I’m a man but I’m no superman
I’m who I am and I do the best I can
On sinking sand from my worst laid plans
Last night, as I spoke with a group of guys that I hang out with regularly, the question came up of what makes an adult male feel like a grown up man, as opposed to a boy. Various answers came to the fore, and admittedly, I don’t remember them. It’s because I had an epiphany.
The things that finally made me feel like a man — a real man — can be summed up as such:
- Loving a woman, doggedly, and with passion, unconditionally and without expectation, and fully experiencing the joy and pain of that love.
- Getting real about my desperate and profound need for God to be my Father — the father that I did not have growing up.
- Letting God into the deep sin and pain in my heart, and surrendering to Him. I can’t even begin to tell you how painful, yet freeing this is. Weeping over my need for God’s redemption in my life has been regular with me recently. Culture says this is weak. God says it makes me strong.
- Being an open book with my sins, habits, failings, and weaknesses with the ones I love.
I have experienced all of these things lately. Imperfectly. Clumsily. Unwillingly at times. This season is dark, for I am exploring some dark enclaves in my fallow soul. I look forward to being able to share with you coming out on the other side of this dark time. Honestly, I don’t totally believe that I will be experiencing joy any time soon. But God seems to promise it, so I will have to take stock in that.
I’m a man but I’m no superman
And I can’t fly and I don’t always know why
But I can learn if I can hold up to the burn
So then, I am no Superman, as the interspersed quoted lyrics (courtesy of Ty Tabor from his album Safety) poetically state. Can you relate? Do you want to feel like a man? A strong masculine soul that God intended you to be? Do you want to get down and dirty and realize just how #$!&#%’d up you really are that you can’t control it all or deeply stuff all of your pain and emotional richness into the closet of your soul? Do you know that you don’t have to be the poser, putting on the flaky facade we have all put on to show that we men are strong?
God has something different for us males. I don’t want it. I don’t want to be a weak blubbering mess as I confront the pain and hurt in my life. But in this brokeness, I am waiting for Him to infuse me with what only He can — undying, passionate love; full on acceptance; a reliable relationship with the True Validator of who I am. I am waiting, still waiting. My patience is wearing thin.
I’m a man but I’m no superman
I can’t go back… time has his own plans
But if I could, you know I surely would
I can’t tell you how this touched me today. I am also going through similar things in this “season” of my life and the things you said made perfect sense to me. Thanks for being authentic.
I am glad, Cindy, that this impacted you somehow. These things are near and dear to my heart and I struggle with them daily. Blessings on your journey…
It’s good to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this… letting God navigate. Not letting Him drive; that would take away my choice in the matter and make things too easy for me. It’s difficult trying to be a grown-up when you’ve always been a kid. Trying to make the good decisions that others used to make for you, and realizing that choosing the right thing isn’t always so easy. To me, that’s the moment you realize you’re an adult– when you start to see that no person is smarter than you, really, and we’re all muddling through life dealing with the same uncertainty.
An excellent blog. Just what I needed today.
Thanks for the words, batty. I am glad you found value in my thoughts.
Stumbled on this today.
I can’t say I agree more.
Awesome.I don’t want to talk as if I know, but when I read this post, there was an unidentifyable, yet unmistakeable, connection that I felt with it. Maybe it’s coming for me… I pray with fear and trembling it does. Thanks
Sounds like a season of brokeness. I only say that because of things I have been going through for the last five months or so. It has been getting better gradually, but I know the pain you speak of. Dr. Sam Storms wrote a chapter called When Love Hurts in his book The Singing God. Between that and this they both really hit home.
My season of brokenness is past, though life is still full of challenge. I pray that you would see a season of rest in your own life — a place like a peaceful meadow where you can enjoy beauty after your pains.
Blessings, and thanks for the post.
Seems to me it takes guts to write stuff like this in the first place. Maybe you’re already a courageous man, but judging yourself by different standards than God?
FWIW, I don’t think God ever promised us a rose garden. He said the path was narrow. The only thing I remember being promised was forgiveness, justification, Grace, and final Victory.
Anyhow, just the fact that you seem to be trying to walk this path out of the darkness makes you more of a man than you think. It takes guts and courage to stand tall in the face of a world that tells you you’re a superstitious wimp, no?
I just wouldn’t sweat it too much. God made you, you are what you are, and if you cry sometimes? So what? Just be what you’re meant to be.
I imagine not a lot of this makes too much sense, but nonetheless I wish you all good things and will say a prayer for you tonight, asking the Lord to grant you a little Peace.
And if I may, read the story of King David – a man’s man who had his own troubles along the path.
I look forward to more posts from you! Good luck, God bless.
Smarty Pants – You are correct. God never promised us a rose garden. Why is it then that much of American Christianity is a quick fix mentality that promises that things will get easy.
I am comfortable in my skin and has connected me closely to my emotions. That is a good thing. Trouble is, as a man, most people, especially women, don’t know what to do with that. Makes it hard to really relate sometimes. But I press on.
Thanks for the prayer and encouraging words. What you have said is more than meaningful.
Great post. Thank you for sharing.
Why does (North) American Christianity have such a “quick fix” mentality? I suspect it’s because we as *people* have that mentality. Fast food, easy credit, 10 thousand channels, 10 pounds in 1 week. Our environment forms who we are and how we think. Then we erroneously try to apply that to The Almighty.
Glad to hear you’re “comfortable in your skin” these days and you’re soldiering on.
Just be yourself (in Christ). Let God handle the rest in His time. And remember that *His* plans may not necessarily be *yours*, I guess.
Peace.
Just felt moved to comment; I too have, in the past, and do still, go through those hard times – it’s how He draws me to Himself – sorry to admit that it takes that, but the reason for this, is to remind those that do not happen onto this quickly enough.
To come out of those times, when they get so hard we’re not able to handle wallowing there for even an instant, what He has promised is to bring us out – all it takes is Praising Him. It never fails! In those times, for me, . . . it takes doing it in song. That way, it focuses me a bit better, I guess.
josiah
Great Word! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you. That gives me hope that the my age will grow into men.
Hey man!
Right on and said well. Your story matters to the One that Matters.
You got my vote. I’m listening. Thanks.
Thanks for the encouragement Terry.
I am truly touched. What an inspiration in a time of great need.
Thank You.
Thanks, priceless. I am glad.
This showed up as a recommended post underneath one of mine. Thanks for writing it.
I just wanted to say thank you for being “man” enough to admit you are human, you are a man that still makes mistakes, but a man who loves God. There aren’t many out there like you, I thank God every day that I do have a man who is not afraid to show his feelings or afraid to show he loves God. I pray more men will “step up” to the plate!!!
Loved this blog, I can so relate
You are on the journey of discovering who God is and who you are. That can be, in fact is, a difficult one. No one who has come to know the deeper things of God has not gone through a time of brokenness, despair at his/her sin, and the very real knowledge that we deserve God’s wrath and punishment for it. Once there however, we can truly see the wonder that is the grace of God.
I applaud you for your faithfulness to wait on God and to learn the lessons He has for you. In addition, your sharing these experiences with others is an outpouring of the grace and mercy you yourself have received. Thanks!
Fabulous! Thank you for this…excuse me now as I just crawl back out of the (your) soul of a man…..that was VERY enlightening…VERY mature…my 21 year old son just married on Saturday. He loves stuff like this and talks about it a lot (What it really means to be a man)…He’d love it so I shall link it to his email….God bless you…
To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven….
Don’t give up, because as we ride God’s “wrecking ball” we do come out on the other side and there is joy! You have a wonderful, “true” spirit and I applaud you, as you wait on the Lord’s healing in your life. Remember that this type of waiting is not passive, but is an active “waiting” – one that reflects true faith in the “One” worth waiting for.
Also, as a woman, I am more drawn to a man that is in touch with his emotions than one who acts “put together” and strong. There is no shame in “weakness”, because it is in our weakness that God’s strength is revealed.
Visit my blog if you get a chance, for some insights I have gleaned in my own healing journey.
May God bless you and keep you, may He make His face to shine upon You and give You His peace.
Barb
Thanks for letting us share in your struggle. Please persist in your prayers and know that God is listening, despite indications to the contrary.
We are all imperfect… we are all on a journey.
” Loving a woman, doggedly, and with passion, unconditionally and without expectation, and fully experiencing the joy and pain of that love..”
putting this in your list of the things that made you a man, a real one, tells us that you are indeed one.
very profound. I don’t know if I will ever reach the kind of dependence you have with a supreme being. But I am the first to admit that there are days when I want to fully surrender everything to a greater power. Too bad too many years of the modern world has made that an impossibility for me.
Good luck on your quest.
I have also acknowledged lately more than ever than in my weakness, I am truly strong. I am in a stage in life where I am realizing how empty my life really is. This is scary. I have always considered myself a man, a person, who is together and has things under control, and thought that I had God figured out. But if I am going to be honest, I must say I am too far from knowing God. Who is He really? I am reading the Gospels even closer now so that I can finally answer this question with honesty, not pretending that I already know the answer. It has been a long and painful journey, but important. And in this uncertainty, I have actually sought God even more, which makes me stronger. Am I fooling myself? Maybe, but at least I am being more honest with myself. Thank you.
Finding our own truth is a serious step in life. One that is not acknowledged or encouraged in our society. Outside of religious experience there are few guides left to help us work through this part of our lives.
When we hit puberty we are expected to behave like we are lost, and we are given that space by our parents because they behaved that way too when they went through puberty.
After that there is little time left in our lives to fulfill the searching we still have left to do – To behave like we are lost and have a safe space to do it in. Sincere and close friends and a sincere guide, be they of a common religious practice or a unique person of wisdom, are critical. I am glad that you have found these elements on your path and that you are joining the ranks of people in this world who can learn to care for others simply by knowing your own failings. Because when you know your own failings you accept the failings of others with grace and respect. Do not waiver, but do not either fixate on the goal, for this will blind you to the moment, and the moment is where you live now.
Beautiful – thankyou
Good thoughts sir, I enjoy your desire for honesty.
I want to encourage you, not to be the man that God made you to be, but to know that YOU ARE the man that God made you to be. God is who made you a man, and nothing can change that.
I personally believe that ideally, men do what they know needs to be done, no matter what they are “supposed” to do. I think you are doing that in working through what you need to. Just keep on doing what you know you need to do.
I will say a prayer for you. Be blessed today, brother. Thank you again for your thoughts.
Joy never leaves.
Thanks for the encouragement, Oregon. Much appreciated.